beauty that moves

the center is grace

With permission, today I am sharing a portion of an email newsletter that my yoga teacher (pictured above) sent out on behalf of her studio. Anne's words (as well as the poem she shares) really connected with where I am right now... and because we are never alone... I thought of you and figured you might appreciate them as well. 

Things are slow on the blog front at the moment... thanks for hanging in there. That wonderful book giveaway I spoke of will be up by the end of the week though!

In the meantime, rest easy with the words of Anne Falkowski and Danna Faulds.

"Today I reflect on the the many changes that Autumn brings to all of us.  It is difficult keeping the balance always.  But you can't keep the balance unless you've got a center.  Through yoga I have learned that my center is the voice that I hear from deep within. It is never a harsh taskmaster yet it is not the voice of giving up or despair.  The center is Grace and if you work from your center you won't lose your way in all of the confusing and conflicting avenues that are part of our life. Grace first.  

 

The following poem was written by Danna Faulds when she stayed at our home during a workshop last Spring.  She shared with me that this poem came out of the love she felt in our house.  It was a time similiar to right now.  A lot was going on for me and I was striving to find my balance.  I offer this poem to anyone who feels overwhelmed by the fullness of their lives... 

 

Every Act of Love

 

Demands for our attention

tug in all directions-

kids and work, partners

and practicalities, spiritual

practice and the unrelenting

rough and tumble of life.

 

It's a gift to remember

even for an instant that

the Infinite is in this mix,

and every act of love

is an offering that

circles back to us a

thousandfold in ways

we never could predict.

 

Danna's words are a gift and so are you.  Treasure the seasons in your life, treasure your friends, loved ones, work and communities and treasure how precious you are.

 

Jai,

 

Anne Falkowski

Director of Samadhi Yoga Studio"

the time is now

 

What you do when the neighborhood girls stop by, it's 93 degrees, and you do not have a pool...

I have so many good problems right now. Every single one of them is a huge blessing and a huge obligation simultaneously. Work starts on Monday. I love my work so very much, working Monday through Friday in a Montessori classroom at Emily's school is just about as soul-fulfilling as it gets. But leaving the house five days a week is not a natural rhythm for me, I have so many thoughts around this and I won't get into all of it right now... but it's no wonder to my little mind that a culture/family-unit has virtually spiraled into demise only a few short decades after both parents routinely started leaving home full time. Who exactly is nurturing the home-front across the land? I don't think it has to be gender specific at all, there are plenty of men who stay home and women who win the bread and it works beautifully. I just think someone needs to be home, as idealistic as that may seem. For our family, it is best if I am the one who breathes life into our family and Adam is the one who sustains it. That is the correct balance for us. But times are what they are right now, and public schools are not a match for our family, so we choose private, and it's expensive (almost like having two mortgages expensive), so my job there is a huge benefit for our family and I do love the work, so so much. It just gives me an insiders view on what I've always thought to be a system of failure for a society... a curious perspective I know, and of course very debatable as is anything, though I REALLY hope this post doesn't create a debate. I'm just purging a few thoughts in my cluttered brain right now...

I volunteered for several years at a homeless shelter in our town... my time there spent with all of our guests late into the night left me with two concrete thoughts. The first; there was never a single person who walked through our doors needing shelter, a job, a detox program, or psychiatric help, not one that had grown up with what could be called a normal childhood; dinner around the table at 6:00... kids riding bikes in the driveway... a parent that surprised them with cookies after school or volunteered at their school library... another parent that taught them how to change the oil in their car... a family that functioned, lived and loved together. Not one of them in the three years that I was there had grown up that way. I also learned that each of them remained emotionally stunted at the point where their greatest emotional/spiritual trauma took place. For one it was the point that they remember only having ketchup in the refrigerator while mom was out selling herself to get more food for her thirteen children, for another it was the night they were repeatedly raped by their uncle, and for many, so very many, it was Vietnam... or Desert Storm... but it was always intense and horrible, and they each stayed and lived right there.

I had NO idea this post was going to go there... purging.

Back to those very good problems of mine... school begins for Emily the Monday after I return. I've got a huge pile of orders to complete (I'm getting there!). We need to get our house on the market within a month, so there are the remaining items on the looong checklist to complete for that. The Farmers' Market continues through October which is awesome and a little scary at the same time, it's been hard maintaining a super-full looking booth this year with my etsy shop keeping me busier than ever. I have a "reply needed" folder in my email account that is filled to the brim with emails from you and from friends. I have no idea when it will be empty, some have been there for months... we are full steam ahead with a new soccer season and I love love love that my embroidery has come out again as I sit on the sidelines two nights a week.

And yoga... right now I'm thinking the very best thing a yoga teacher could ever do for herself is to stop practicing. After a few solid weeks of not practicing at all I reconnected with my mat and my breath late last night and it is amazing how quickly (at my age) the muscle memory of a pose can leave the body. It puts me right back to that place of a beginners mind, but with the knowledge of a teacher. I spent an hour going patiently and deeply into the corners of each pose, self-adjusting and aligning myself along the way, no lights were on in the room which further heightened my senses and awareness to these things. I even released a few tears and was grateful for the safe space to do so. Practice is good, practice from the place of a beginners mind, the best. I feel myself wanting to teach again soon... but for now, more practice.

We took the raft out onto the lake last night for a little sunset run... it was the first time we were on open water this summer. I'm feeling a strong need to squeeze every last drop out of this season before it's too late.

With all of that (and boy, wasn't there a lot of that in this post), I'm going to shift gears here for the next week, or two, or three. I'm going to step away from the keyboard a bit and place more energy on noticing and living. Months ago I did a series called morning, noon and night. Right now I feel like returning to that idea, leaving out the 'noon' part as it won't be practical when I'm at work. ;)

I'd love it if you visited me, morning and night... the time is now.

our new yoga room

Months ago I felt the need to re-establish a clear, designated space in our home for yoga practice. I've always maintained a corner here or there for this, but it's been ages since I've truly set aside space in our home for yoga alone.

 

I feel very fortunate to have a family that understands the benefits to be gained from giving up a little square footage (this was previously our den and it was cute and cozy) in our home, to set it aside as a sacred place of wellness and self-discovery.  

 

There's really nothing to it. Less is more when it comes to putting together this kind of space. There is a shelf for my yoga texts, poetry, and journals. There is an alter that has a rotating display of a few special treasures, a docking station for my ipod, and of course, sparkly lighting. Most importantly, there is room for three mats should any family members care to join me... which i think they will both start doing more and more.

I've been using this room for a little while now, but this weekend the final curtain was sewn (I used two matching 70's tapestries - I'm such a sucker for those) and it finally feels complete and perfect in every way. It is such a calm and beautiful space to be in.

Birthright

Danna Faulds

Despite illness of body or mind, in spite of blinding despair or habitual belief, who you are is whole.

Let nothing keep you separate from the truth. The soul, illumined from within, longs to be known for what it is.

Undying, untouched by fire or the storms of life, there is a place inside where stillness and abiding peace reside.You can ride the breath to go there.

Despite doubt or hopeless turns of mind, you are not broken. Spirit surrounds, embraces, fills you from the inside out.  Release everything that isn't your true nature.  What's left, the fullness, light and shadow, claim all that as your birthright.

Thanks for stopping by our little yoga room, I hope you're having a great week!

choose your attitude... and chocolate

 

I helped some friends and family members ring in the new year yesterday with a grand caloric entrance. I brought this to my cousin's baby shower. It's Jessica's fault really, she always posts all of these crazy good recipes. This is a version of her Death by Chocolate. It was the star of the party Jessica!

This morning I am sipping soy rooibus chai... keeping the balance.

I wanted to say thank you for your sweet notes recently, some of you have expressed concern. I'm okay, really. Life has thrown my little family a big, difficult to manage curve in the last couple of months and I haven't found the nerve to type it all out yet. Things will eventually be fine.  We are surrounded by my amazing family who has gone above and beyond to show their love and support. For that and so much more we feel very grateful. I also find much needed light and connection here amongst all of you. It is so healthy for me to stop in and write a little something a few times a week, and to receive your words and voices in return is a gift beyond measure.

The three of us are safe, warm, and together. And we are breathing.

There is so much that is beyond my control at the moment and it can be a scary thing if I allow it, but recently I remembered these words from my teacher... he said to me once that when things feel out of control and uncertain, the one thing we can always control is our attitude. We can choose to walk taller, breathe deeper, shift our mental focus. It's not easy, but it is within our power, always.

"Choose your attitude."

And so I have. In the face of the unknown, I remain focused and determined, hard working and truthful, and most importantly - kind and loving.  

"Choose your attitude." Yes, thank you. I will.

never without a map to navigate

We're keeping it mellow tonight...

There is a passage from the Bhagavad Gita that is very dear to me, it was committed to memory a long, long time ago. Tonight I spent a little time looking around my blog archives wondering if I've ever shared it here before. It doesn't seem to have been written here yet, though I did come across this post.

Never without a map to navigate.

Right on.

That post and this photo brought tears immediately, so easy to do these days. There should be some kind of automated warning Typepad issues when it senses a blogger sifting through their archives on the most nostalgic of evenings, some kind of a proceed with caution alert.

I truly miss my beloved in house yoga studio, with all of it's open space and nag champa and no shoes allowed sacredness. Indeed, I do. Currently it is my sewing studio. It has also served as a homeschool room... but looking at this photo brought up so much for me, I think I really need this space cleared and held sacred again. I can sew in the basement, I've done it before. Anyway, lot's to ponder... this could be a very good thing. So, those words I mentioned...

The man who sees me in everything

and everything within me

will not be lost to me, nor

will I ever be lost to him .

He who is rooted in oneness

realizes that I am

in every being; wherever

he goes; he remains in me.

When he sees all beings as equal

in suffering or in joy

because they are like himself,

that man has grown perfect in yoga.

~ Bhagavad Gita [6.30-32]

a few notes from my kitchen... and a little yoga

I imagine at some point over the next few days I'll write a New Year's post. Part of me feels like skipping over the whole thing so not to repeat putting it all out there like I did last New Years. But then again, it's good to take stock, reflect on the past and move toward new beginnings. I just feel sort of vulnerable these days, we'll see.

The yoga studio that I worked/practiced/became a teacher at is having an incredible evening of yoga, chanting, meditation and reflection this New Year's Eve. I won't be able to be there which I'm so bummed about as there is little more that I crave these days than deep, soul shaking yoga. I miss practicing in a 90 degree room (though this night won't be heated), surrounded by other yogis, traveling and breathing down the same path of healing, strength and light. Practicing in a class setting isn't so much a communal experience as it is a collective of energy swirling about wildly, landing where it may and enhancing individual practices around the room. I love everything about it. There is never a time I feel more alive and like myself than about 45 minutes into a hatha yoga practice, preferably heated, the room filled with bodies, mat to mat. As important as a home practice is - for me, this type of experiential yoga is hard to duplicate in my bedroom, try as I might. Plus, I learn a great deal from my teachers, I miss them so very much.  

Well... when I sat down to write I had no intention of going there... I guess it's the time of year.

 

(photo by Emily)

 This is one of the things I sat down to write about, homemade crackers! I mentioned them the other day and wrote up the recipe for you. It's a combination of a few different recipes, I hope you like it. What an incredible way to save a few bucks each week and crazy amounts of trash each year.

Rosemary Garlic Crackers
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat pastry flour
2 tbsp nutritional yeast
1 tsp baking powder
2 tsp dried rosemary - or use chopped fresh if you have it (sooo good!), just a little less.
1 rounded tsp granulated garlic (the dried powdery stuff)
3/4 tsp fine sea salt (we like the pink kind)
1/4 tsp ground black pepper, optional
1/2 cup water
3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
Coarse sea salt crystals, optional

1. Preheat oven to 400°F.
2. In a bowl or food processor, mix together the flours, nutritional yeast flakes, baking powder, rosemary, garlic, salt and pepper. Add the water and oil, stirring until dough comes together. If dough is too dry to mix, add another tablespoon of water or as needed. Divide dough in half.
3. Roll the dough out very thin, cracker thin. They will puff and rise a bit while baking, but not a lot. Roll them thin. Transfer the dough to a Silpat or parchment-lined baking sheet. I use a pizza cutter to cut the crackers into squarish shapes, a pastry wheel is great too. If desired, sprinkle a little salt over the tops (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED) of the crackers and lightly press into dough with the rolling pin. Repeat with second piece of dough.
4. Bake crackers in preheated oven for 12-15 minutes, or until golden and crackers look crisp. Check them at 12 minutes! They will crisp up a bit as they cool. If crackers are still soft after cooling, place back in oven and bake for another couple of minutes, they'll crisp up just fine.
 

One more thing while I have you here, remember the Brown Rice Patties? I usually make mine on the stove top in a cast iron pan, but tonight decided to pull out the electric griddle. I didn't feel too great about it as we made the whole, complete cast iron switch (finally!) over the summer. (Though we still use this non-stick griddle for pancakes.)  Anyway, life's not always about being perfect, right? I fired it up and was able to cook just about an entire batch in one swoop! So there is my tip for you, it's a major time saver and you barely need to use any oil. I think I used 2 Tablespoons max for the whole recipe, seriously.

I was asked by a reader what to use whole wheat pastry flour in besides the rice patties. I use it in everything non-yeast, like the Rosemary Garlic Crackers! I usually do a minimum of 1/2 whole wheat pastry flour in all of my baking. It's heartier, but we like it and it is healthier for my girl than straight up white flour. Of course if you have a wheat issue you would make substitutions.

I hope you try these crackers, maybe for your New Years snack spread! I hope you have a festive evening, and a peaceful, hopeful start to 2009. See you then!

::Updated::Some fresh reading at The Co-op, stop on by!

this blog's going on retreat

I think I'm going to enter summer mode a tiny bit early and take a vacation from the blog. My time here is always wonderful, and amazingly worthwhile, but it is time. And time feels very precious to me right now.

In just over a week the  Farmers Market begins and I will be there every other week for the entire season with my upcycled wares (is repurposed out?). Please be sure to visit this market if you are in eastern Connecticut over the summer. This dedicated group really amazes me.

Sewing. There will be  a lot of time spent sewing. Which is okay, but I must admit that my favorite part of my work is definitely the hunt for various fabrics and the bringing the vision to life of each item. I'm told I have a pretty good eye for combining color and fabrics, I just know it's my favorite part of the process. The actual sewing part? That's kind of like housekeeping to me, necessary and worthwhile... but not particulary juicy.

Yoga. Now that's juicy. And something I'm trying to figure out how to spend even more time doing. I sense some deeper aspects of yoga are waiting for me on the horizon, ready to enter my practice... but I need to slow down and clear some head space to open up to it. Adam and I have talked a lot about this and because he is so freaking supportive of my whirly, twirly ways - he thinks I should attend a Five Day Yoga Retreat in September. I really hope the scheduling works out for my family. This retreat is intentionally not part of my advanced certification program, it's just yoga. Deep, experiential yoga. Like I told my teacher the other day, I don't need a teacher training right now, I need a Heather training. 

You know what else I want to do this summer? Besides return to the mountains and trails? I want to go to more concerts. There's been a really lame gap in our concert attendance the last couple of years and I have no good excuse. So I must work on that too. Anything great coming to New England that I should know about?

Here is the thing, I'm not completely vanishing here. There is no need for that. Let's just say from here on out, until further notice, I'll be posting about once a week. And those posts might be mellow, simple and light, like summertime... ooh, makes me think of Janis. Now that would have been a summer concert...   

throw yourself like seed

I've been crossing paths quite a bit with this poem recently. Seems I need to put it out there, for myself or  for others, for all of us. Enjoy the day, spring is less than a week away!

Throw Yourself Like Seed

 

Shake off this sadness, and recover your spirit
sluggish you will never see the wheel of fate
that brushes your heel as it turns going by,
the man who wants to live is the man in whom life is abundant.

 

Now you are only giving food to that final pain
which is slowly winding you in the nets of death,
but to live is to work, and the only thing which lasts
is the work; start then, turn to the work.

 

Throw yourself like seed as you walk, and into your own field,
don't turn your face for that would be to turn it to death,
and do not let the past weigh down your motion.

Leave what's alive in the furrow, what's dead in yourself,
for life does not move in the same way as a group of clouds;
from your work you will be able one day to gather yourself.

 

~ Miguel De Unamuno ~

before and after

A few before and after photos of the yoga studio,  There are two locations, this is the one I teach at and had the most fun making over a few weeks ago. I apologize in advance if you do not have a high speed connection, there are many photos. Here's a peek...

Before:

After:

Want to come do some yoga? My teachers, who own both Samadhi studio locations gave me free reign on this project. Can you imagine how much fun this was? They told me to do whatever I wanted, they trusted it would be great. I knew they really would be fine with however this turned out, so I felt no pressure at all. There was the fleeting moment when I wondered if my color choices would be right for the students... but I knew Anne and Matthew would be cool with the outcome. Anne quickly put my color concerns at ease, she's been there before having designed two studios herself so she knows that feeling. You really have to go with your gut and let go of the outcome. Of course! Stay true to the action and not the fruit of the action. Yoga is everywhere... even in selecting paint colors.

My intention was to create a space where people would let out a gentle sigh as they entered. I wanted it to feel special for each student, a nurturing environment with a calm, grounding energy. It feels like "us," Samadhi. This studio was purchased by Anne and Matthew I believe 1 1/2 years ago, it was already a yoga studio. Samadhi didn't quite make it their own home though until this transformation. It feels really good and makes me happy. I hope it makes everyone else happy too. 

hello

 

My sister called a few days after I wrote my last post to check in... she said I sounded  bummed out. I assured her I was fine, just wallowing a bit in the final dark days of winter here in the northeast. My sister lives in Florida you see, she moved there several years ago - I believe she actually packed up and hit the road during the dark, cold month of February one year.  Declaring she'd had enough, she got in her car and drove all the way to Key West, you can't get much further away than that. She set up house there for a full year, but has since moved further north a bit- something about wild chickens roaming the streets of Key West and the only option for clothes shopping being Kmart. Not just regular bad Kmart, but the nations dumping ground for all other Kmart cast-offs. The really bad Kmart.

Anyway, I've been busy. It's now March and I feel as though I made it through February relatively unscathed. How about you? I can say that in hindsight - around the 19th -  I wasn't so sure that was possible. But then I got busy with a project, redoing the yoga studio that I teach at. It's all done now, and was truly a blast. I will be sharing photos  in the next few days, this one is a sneak peek. It's definitely giving me renewed energy and  inspiration in many ways, I'm very sensitive to my environment that way. I hope it's doing the same for our students and teachers as well. Nothing like the idea of a new beginning. It's why I've always loved Mondays so much. The change of seasons too, boundless possibility.

And now spring is less than 20 days away. I do believe things will start bubbling with activity to share around here. Thank you for sticking around, emailing,  and popping in through the doldrums.  Spring is about to be sprung my friends.

ps::have you seen One Square Window ? seriously, this is going to be good.