From a very early moment in my mothering career I 'got it' that if I didn't take the time to teach my child a job or task, there should be no expectation on my part that she would know how to do said job. For instance, bed making is a classic example. By age four (maybe younger?) Emily started making her own bed. When we first talked about her doing this, my assumption was, she'd just do it... such poor thinking on my part! It wasn't that I cared if her bed was made well, but she cared... nobody, even a little one, wants to climb into a sloppily made bed at night. Observing her frustration was a light bulb moment for me.
Teach the girl, mama!
And so I did. From that point forward I realized my role in teaching her new chores or tasks was key to her feelings of success. Maybe a better way to describe it (instead of teaching) is to say I work alongside her until she has confidently learned the job at hand, which really only takes 2-4 times depending on what the work is.
This still applies today at age twelve. This summer I've been helping Emily establish a small cooking repertoire of simple, nourishing meals that she can prepare for herself. This is a necessary life-skill to have. I've waited until now given that Emily is not naturally interested in cooking the way I was from a very early age, but at twelve, it is time to start learning to feed yourself something beyond peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese (which are fine, we are just hoping to expand the rotation).
I am teaching her different meal/snack ideas step by step, we are also preparing a menu to be posted in the kitchen that she may order from (and be her own chef). We found that she is the type that waits until she is too hungry to make a good decision and will likely grab something that might not be the best choice, like a handful of pretzels... but if she looks at her menu and sees the choices in front of her, she might decide that sliced apples with almond butter or a simple green salad topped with leftover chicken takes two seconds longer to prepare and her body will be happier for it. Emily really likes things spelled out for her.
This 'teach the child' concept applies to everything around the house - washing cars, vacuuming, dusting, giving the dog a bath, sorting laundry, organizing her closet and dresser drawers... the list goes on. A while back I was going through my cabinets and everything seemed so jumbled and out of place, my immediate Virgo response was to feel frustrated with the person who stacked the dishes in such a state (I had a photo of my cabinets before we straightened them and accidentally deleted, but you can imagine all of that pyrex teetering, just waiting to crash...), and then I stepped back and checked in with myself, rather than automatically pass the blame. Had I taken the time to show my helpful dishwasher-emptier exactly how to nest and stack all the pyrex, as well as place matching lids on jars but not screw them on (I know, I'm nuts to think my jars need to breathe)? No, no I had not.
So, I did take the time... and now, we live in a land of beautifully arranged pyrex and glass jars that can breathe. Mama's happy, and my girl feels confident in a job well done. This simple idea of teaching the child definitely makes for a happier, more peaceful home.
